single mom

High School Graduation, by the Numbers

June 5, 2018 by miacupadm Leave a Comment

Wolfgang’s high school graduation has turned into a series of numbers, and a lot of counting. The ceremony is on Saturday, and I am tearing up just thinking about that.

Let’s count down.

Thirteen. 13 years since we started this school journey, with that walk down the street to kindergarten that very first day. 13 years since his put his hands on his face and said “Don’t worry mommy. The teacher will keep me safe.” (I cried harder than any kid that first day of kindergarten.)

Thirteen years since the first day I dropped him off at Bennett Elementary School to go out into the world and learn things I could not teach him. Thirteen years since I bought him his first backpack (Transformers, if I recall correctly) and packed him a lunch in his new lunchbox.

Thirteen years of school supply lists, parent-teacher conferences, after school activities and homework-checking. Thirteen years of signing field trip permission slips and volunteering with the PTA. Thirteen years of fabulous teachers, funny mom friends and first (and last) days of school.

Twelve. Number of times I have run my hands over the sash he will wear for his graduation (just today). Number of times I have burst into tears (also, just today), thinking of what he was like as a tiny kindergartener, with his proper posture and his vast knowledge of planets.

Number of times I have gotten a lump in my throat because I don’t know what comes next, but I’m really excited to see what happens.

Eleven. How many graduation episodes of television shows I have watched to try and make myself immune to graduations altogether, so I don’t cry.

Incidentally, it is also the number of times I have failed to “inoculate” myself against the ugly crying that will inevitably happen when my baby puts on that grad gown and weird hat. (Seriously, what’s up with that hat?)

(The ones that made me cry the hardest were Rory’s 2 graduation episodes from Gilmore Girls, the ORIGINAL 90210 high school graduation and Glee. Weeping so loud, my neighbors text me to make sure I am ok. I am gonna be a hot mess at graduation, people.)

Ten. The number of times I have checked Wolfgang’s epic to-do list. Also, number of times I have texted him in the last 24 hours to remind him of his to-do list. Also, the number of times he has rolled his eyes so hard at me that I’m worried they will stick like that up inside his skull.

Probably also the number of times I’ve sighed in the past week, trying to wrangle tickets for graduation, grad party plans, whereabouts of the actual human graduating and the schedule of grad events.

Nine. The grade Wolfgang was entering when I started to panic about graduation.

It seems like a far-off dream until your baby actually STARTS HIGH SCHOOL. You have this adorable tiny human who you’ve raised and nurtured and fed and tried to not yell at when they wreck your new dress with their muddy handprints and then all of a sudden it’s a race to high school commencement ceremony and they are an adult and leaving you and yes I am crying right now, hush.

Eight. How many graduation-related posts I’ve attempted to write and had to abandon because I was crying so hard, I gave myself a headache. Number of posts I have in my drafts folder that I may have to wait until NEXT graduation season to complete.

Also, the number of pretty awesome kids who have come up to me to hug me in the past week to tell me how much they appreciate the times I’ve chaperoned a field trip, or let them text me in the middle of the night with questions about life, or took their photo for football.

The number of faces of growing adults I’ve held in my hands in the past week and said “you are so welcome, I am so proud of you” to.

Seven. Seven years of awkward band concerts, with Row Row Row your Boat played in 4 different keys and tempos. Seven years of letter grades to worry about (and for me to obsessively check online).

Seven years since I’ve been able to help Wolfgang with his math homework.

Seven years of after-school activities and clubs, of “let me do it, mom!” and trying to run his schedule on his own. Seven years of multiple teachers every year, of “which class is your 5th period?” and really confusing Back To School nights. Seven years of philosophical discussions on whether or not I should be in the PTA, and volunteering quietly for any and everything I had time for.

Six. Number of years I have done this alone, since my now-ex-fiancé and I split. Number of years I worried about how to pay for yearbooks and new shoes and new backpacks. Number of years I’ve lost sleep over how to encourage Wolfgang to do his homework (and actually hand it in).

Number of years I’ve worried I’m screwing him up, and number of years I’ve realized that he’s a good human and I’ve done ok as a mother.

Five. Five days until the graduation ceremony. Five more days of him being my “baby”, before he dons that cap and gown and shakes the principal’s hand and gets his diploma. Five more days of me ugly crying every time someone mentions graduation, or I look across the room at his cap and gown hanging.

Four. I can count the number of days we have left in high school on one hand.

Four more opportunities to pack a lunch, bundle Wolfgang up into the car and ferry him to school. Four more days to check his homework, to make sure he gets up on time, to remind him to eat breakfast. Four more days until we are done with public school.

Four more days of me yelling “HAVE A GREAT DAY I LOVE YOU, MAKE GOOD CHOICES!” like I do most mornings as he closes the door behind him. Four.

Three. Number of boxes of Kleenex I have blown through while crying in the past month, thinking of the end of all of this.

Two. Number of “waterproof” mascaras I have test-run while preparing for all of this crying. (Troublemaker mascara from Urban Decay is NOT “anything proof” like they claim…didn’t even make it through the grad episode of Gilmore girls, thankyouverymuch.)

One. One more “last” event, a choir concert. One more event before graduation for me to embarrass Wolfgang thoroughly with my sobbing in public. One more choir concert. One more “senior recognition”. One more award ceremony, one more band picnic, just one more.

Countless. Number of memories I have of my baby. Of the time he corrected his kindergarten teacher (who had hung the solar system incorrectly). Of the first time I heard him sing on stage (playing Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast). Of all of the plays, the band concerts, the football and soccer games, the homework.

I am so incredibly proud of my son, of everything he’s done. I’m excited to watch him get his diploma this weekend and see where life will take him.

Yes, I Think It’s Too Soon For You To Date.

May 22, 2018 by miacupadm Leave a Comment

I have been single now for just shy of 6 years.

Single for me means that I haven’t even gone on a single date. Well, there was one outing, and I thought I was pretty clear up front about how it ABSOLUTELY was NOT a date. Apparently the words “just to be clear, this is absolutely not a date” were confusing, because this dude totally thought it was a date.

I did kiss that one guy at a hotel in California, but that’s been the most “action” I’ve seen since becoming “un-engaged”.

Anyway.

My engagement ended 6 years ago in a giant ball of fiery glory, so you can imagine I wasn’t horribly eager to jump into another so soon…and it took a long time for me to properly heal my broken heart and find who I was.

At first, it was not a conscious choice for me to not date, as I think men can smell fear and desperation and I tried really hard. Then I realized that I needed to find myself, to get to know who I was so when (if that is God’s plan) some gentleman decides he wants to pair up with me, I don’t change who I am to please that man.

Lately, I have been so busy doing other things, that I haven’t had the time/effort/bandwidth/desire to date at all.

But that’s not the case for every single parent I know.

Through social media, I have watched a lot of my friends uncouple and couple back up before I realize what’s happening. You have seen the scenario, where they suddenly stop talking about their husband/wife/partner and then their profile photo changes to one of them kissing someone who is obviously not the same person they were coupled to before.

And it’s usually pretty fast.

And it usually falls apart pretty quickly too.

I do have a lot of friends message me shortly after a breakup to ask me if I think it’s too soon for them to start dating again.

My answer is always “yes”.

You need to be by yourself for a little bit, especially after you’ve been married for 20+ years and don’t really know adulthood outside of being hitched to another person. Even if it’s just to breathe, find out what it’s like to sleep in the bed alone and figure out who you are when you’re not seen through the lens of your now-ex-husband/wife/partner.

You have to be YOU for a while before you run off again to be a “we”. When you’re recovering from a breakup, that can take some time. ESPECIALLY if you were in the relationship for a long time.

People are so anxious to hook back up with someone because they’re uncomfortable being alone, I TOTALLY GET IT. I have had days where it’s hard for me to admit that I’m single. It’s hard to sit by myself at the movie theatre, or walk down the street alone or really go anywhere by myself sometimes.

But I’m doing it. I spent a lot of time shedding the labels I let my boyfriends or my teachers or my friends put on me so I could figure out who I really was, and I could not have done that while I was dating other people.

So yes, I think it’s too soon for you to date, just months after your relationship has dissolved.

You will know when it’s right, but please do not try and convince yourself that you are ready when you are not.

How To Celebrate Mother’s Day When You’re a Single Mom

May 10, 2018 by miacupadm Leave a Comment

Holidays as a single mum are hard, no matter which way you slice it. You can get extended family involved, but when it all boils down to it: all the planning, the paying and the execution are solely on your shoulders.

It can be a bummer, I totally understand. 2/3 of the Mothers’ Days I have celebrated as a mom have been as a single mom. It’s hard some days!

But, as with all things, you get to choose how to handle it. You can choose to be angry about your situation and sulk, or you can choose to make the best of it.

There’s no reason why you should skip Mother’s Day if you choose to celebrate (and opting out is totally fine as well!).

You can do this!

Here’s a couple of tips to help you make Mothers Day great!

* Get your kids involved. Depending on their ages, your kiddos can handle making breakfast, or cleaning the kitchen or the bathroom or if they’re older, they can even manage your smalls while you go to a movie!

* Keep it simple. We don’t need huge parades of gifts and lavish things showered upon us (every mom DESERVES that, but it’s ok if we don’t get it!). If my kids make me a card and give me an hour by myself (without questions) in my office to work on my calligraphy or my painting, I’m happy with that.

* Pair up with another (or 3 or 4!) single mom(s). Working together to make a Mothers Day great for everyone is fulfilling and beautiful. Plan a picnic. If you’ve got older kids, pool all the kids together and have the older ones watch the littles while the moms go get pedicures or go to the movies or have a meal at a restaurant with nobody yelling or asking you to cut the meat or making gagging noises. (The babysitting can be the older kids’ gift to you.)

* Get it pre-made (or go out for it). Even if you’re just getting pizza, it’s a meal you didn’t have to make. Buy one of those meal kits at the store that you just need to heat up (bonus points if the kids can heat it up themselves)! Make Mothers’ Day low impact for yourself.

* Don’t compare. Zero good things come from saying “but Mary got blah blah blah for Mothers’ Day and I only got xxxx.” Mary is not you (unless your name is actually Mary, then I’m talking about a different Mary). You are not Mary. Comparing your situation to Mary’s is like comparing that one time you did karaoke to that guy who sings showtunes at the local supermarket while he shops. They both have their benefits, but they’re totally different situations.

When push comes to shove, yes you have to make your own Mothers Day, but that doesn’t mean you cannot make it awesome.

Love to all of my single moms out there this Mothers Day!

How To Handle Getting Sick While Traveling Alone

May 1, 2018 by miacupadm 1 Comment

I took a trip to Philadelphia last month, and it was pretty great, other than one small detail: I got the flu.

I spent the last two and a half days of a 5 day trip shaking, feverish and one day just sleeping on the bathroom floor (in between bouts of eliminating everything I had ever eaten ever from my body).

It’s terrible being sick, really. No matter where you are. Especially when you’re an adult and your mom doesn’t take care of you anymore.

Ahem.

Being sick can be even worse when you’re traveling, all by yourself. Nobody to go get 7-Up for you, and you don’t even know where they KEEP the 7-Up (or it’s $47 from the minibar).

So in the interest of saving you from an existence void of 7-Up if you get sick, I give you a list for “How to Handle Getting Sick While Traveling Alone”!

Get familiar with your surroundings. When I travel, I make sure to map out my hotel and the nearest drugstore and the nearest minimart or supermarket to my hotel. Even if you are googling while wrapped in all the blankets, it’s good to know how much strength you might need to muster (or how long you’ll need to hang on in a Lyft or an Uber) to get to a Walgreens.
Make friends with the hotel staff. This is something you should do anyway. Always get to know the people who are doing things for you – it’s just polite. If you know the front desk people by name, they will sometimes go out of their way to get what you need, or point you in the direction of how to get what you need.
Sometimes there are delivery services that can bring supplies to your hotel. I live in a small(er) town, where we just got Uber like a year ago. We don’t have things like Postmates or Instacart, so being able to have groceries delivered to your hotel is pretty epic. (Tip #2 may assist you with which service is your best bet.)
Above all, be honest with yourself. Only you know your body, truly. Listen to your body and stop going when your body tells you to stop. If you are getting nauseous in the middle of dinner, take a moment to reassess. Don’t eat more pasta.

When push comes to shove, you really have to take it easy. You may be traveling for work (as I was) or traveling for fun, but when you are struck down with something like the flu, you need to rest and take care of yourself….because FLYING while you’re sick is a whole other realm of Dante’s Inferno.

Let me know your tips or your story with how YOU dealt with being sick while far from home in the comments!

Five Quick Ways to Refresh Your Guest Bathroom For Summer

June 26, 2017 by miacupadm 8 Comments

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #MegaSummerRefresh #CollectiveBias

We have never really been people who have other people over very often.

For years, I had a list of excuses. My house is a mess. My house is too small. I have roommates who don’t like people. I have children who have bedtimes. My bathroom is gross and people will want to use my bathroom.

Finally, we live in a house that allows us to have people over. There’s enough room for everyone, we have a beautiful yard and I’m emotionally in a place where people in my house do not freak me out too badly.

Also, I spent an inordinate amount of time cleaning my house and throwing out baggage (both literal and figurative) to make room for other people in my space.

So this is the summer. This is the summer where I don’t cringe when Wolfgang asks to have friends over. The summer where I say “I can host it!” The summer where I open the doors and allow people into my space without that frozen smile that says “dear lord, please don’t open the office door because all my secrets are shoved in there and also a whole bunch of stuff I don’t want you to look at.”

*cough*

So after spending time (and vacation time from the muggle job) sorting and purging and cleaning the bedrooms in our house to prepare to host guests this summer, it was time for the bathroom.

The bathroom was looking grungy, with kids and baths and toothbrushing detritus (and spit) everywhere, and I really had not taken the time to “decorate”, short of a trip to Target when we first moved to buy a couple of towels because the bathroom was bare.

Now, y’all know I’m a single mom. I have only so much money and time, and I don’t like to waste either. So when I “redid” this bathroom, I had to keep it quick and on a budget.

I didn’t want to remodel, repaint, or do anything that would require a lot of DIY, because ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially not a mom who’s got two kids finishing up the school year, all the end-of-year projects and banquets and concerts and gifts to make and parties to host and attend.

So in the interest of getting this done in a quick, inexpensive and pret-a-porter kind of way, I headed to Target.

Toilet paper was in big letters on my list, so I grabbed some Quilted Northern® Mega Rolls. (Side note: I’m usually a “grab whatever is on sale” kind of girl for most products, but let’s be honest here…I did a gig with Quilted Northern a few years ago and I’ve been loyal ever since. PLUS, these Mega Rolls are 4 rolls in one, meaning I have to kvetch at Wolfgang a LOT less about forgetting to change the roll when it runs out, and that’s a HUGE bonus.)

Right now, you can get 10% off Quilted Northern Mega Toilet Paper using the Target Cartwheel app through July 8!

So after grabbing my toilet paper and a few other items for my shabby-chic/rustic inspired bathroom idea, I was ready to rock.

I was able to get this whole shebang done (including the shopping and the vigorous scrubbing of the floor) in one afternoon, and my bathroom is all decorated for the summer, plus I have a rather generous stock of nice full-looking rolls of those Quilted Northern Ultra Soft & Strong® Mega Rolls (though Quilted Northern Ultra Plush® Mega Rolls would have been nice too!).

In the interest of helping some of my fellow harried moms get at least ONE room in their house looking nice while their kids are running amok all summer, here are…

FIVE QUICK WAYS TO REFRESH YOUR
GUEST BATHROOM FOR THE SUMMER

Pick a general theme. It’s so much easier to stay in budget when you have a main theme to stick to. That way, you aren’t all over the map. My bathroom refresh was inspired by that gorgeous clawfoot tub I have, and I worked the rustic/shabby chic theme in a simple way.
Deep clean. Pull EVERYTHING out of the bathroom before you put anything new in. Rugs, towels, all your toiletries, everything. Wipe down all surfaces and shelves. Use a scrub to get that gunk out of the tub. Clean the toilet (especially the floor around it). Thin out your toiletries, as nobody really needs 8 kinds of hair gel honestly. When you put everything back, group it by product type.
Hang some wall art. Bathroom walls need love too! It will sass up your bathroom so much to hang something on those blank walls.
Use what you’ve got. When you’re working on a budget, it’s best to take what you have and work with it. I had some lovely grey towels in this bathroom already, so I worked the rest of the decor in around the yellow/grey theme I already had going. It kept the budget way down, and if I need to refresh them at a later date, I will have the budget to do it!
Spoil your guests with a quality toilet paper. Think about it: would you want to use single ply toilet paper at someone else’s house? Or have to change the roll? With Quilted Northern® Mega Rolls, you change the roll less often than with other rolls, and you’re treating your guests like you should.

I was SO EXCITED about this bathroom refresh, I even made a video! Check it:

I was actually able to pick up EVERYTHING for this refresh in one trip to Target AND stay under my budget – including what MIGHT be a whole summer’s worth of Quilted Northern® Mega Rolls (depending on how many teenagers I have traipsing through my house this summer)!

If you liked my bathroom refresh, then you’ll love this! You can go vote on your favorite Quilted Northern character-inspired bathroom (choose from Daddy Gator, Little Miss Puffy Tail or Sir Froggy) and you could win a $1,000 Grand Prize or $250 Target GiftCard!

Sweepstakes will run from June 19 to August 1, so don’t delay, enter today!

#MegaSummerRefresh #Sweepstakes (6/19 to 7/31)

Come and get it!