How do you know when it’s time to say goodbye to a relationship? When it’s time to cut cords and let go and be done?
Is it when you are frantically trying to put the pieces back together, and notice that the other person is not helping? Or could it be when you realize you don’t want to share your triumphs in life with them anymore?
Where is the breaking point?
I’m really struggling right now with a couple of relationships in my life, with possibly outgrowing the deeply-rooted need I had for certain people, and the love (I thought?) I felt for them.
I’m wrestling with whether it’s time to go, or if I just need to stay, struggle and work with them to repair.
I feel badly. I got so much out of those relationships during my Dark Days, but I can’t recall that I ever put even half as much into them. I don’t know that I had much to give during the Dark Days. I was broke in so many ways – financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I am still learning how to be a good friend and a good human being, but I try my hardest.
Some of these people walked with me through those times. They held my hand and told me I was worth fighting for, even when I felt worthless. They spoke life into me when I could not do the same for myself.
But I struggle with cutting ties. I feel like I need to bring everyone who has helped me into the next phase of my life, and some people just don’t want to move with me.
It isn’t that they want to watch me fail, but they are more comfortable with supporting me during the Dark Days than they are celebrating with this new chapter in my life.
I am preparing to say goodbye.
Things to keep in mind when it’s time to release people from your life:
- It’s nobody’s fault. There are certain seasons for everything, and certain people for those seasons. Not everyone wants to go on your journey with you, and that’s perfectly fine. They have their own journeys.
- You cannot force people to make changes in their lives. This is a tough one. You might see the solution for someone’s pain. You might be able to ease their suffering, but if they don’t make the choice to take steps, it’s not going to happen. It’s called “self help” for a reason.
- When you grow, sometimes people don’t grow with you. There are people in your life who are not genuinely happy for your success. And that’s OK. You should not have to convince people to be happy for you. If they aren’t, leave them be.
- “Goodbye” doesn’t need to be a huge production. You don’t have to write them a long letter outlining all the things they’ve done for you, or send them a text saying “bye”. You can just ease on down the road. Say a little prayer for them or a silent thank you for the love they brought into your life, and then let them go.
- It’s OK to say goodbye. You do not have to spend your whole life dragging every human you’ve ever known around with you. If they won’t walk WITH you, then sometimes it’s ok to leave them where they are.
- Goodbye doesn’t need to be forever. People change. Maybe your paths will cross again and it will be a different situation. You can’t hold tight to that possibility, but you don’t need to blacklist people forever just because you grew and they didn’t at that time.
What it all comes down to is that you have to do what’s best for yourself. If there are friendships causing you pain or distress, it does need to be addressed.
Take care of you. Sometimes that means saying goodbye.
This post was written as a part of the NaBloPoMo, a daily blogging journey I am committing to in November 2017.