There have been a lot of feelings flying around my house lately (as is evident by the sappy post I wrote about Wolfgang last week).
When you are ripping out the walls of your life and stripping everything down and trying to deep clean the baseboards, things will come up. Dust will fly and the feelings you’ve been stuffing down into the depths and shutting the door on? Those feelings come out.
And you have to deal with them.
We all want to feel something, We all want life to feel like SOMETHING.
But we feel uncomfortable when it starts to feel strange. When we can’t quite put a finger on the emotions we have, lots of us tend to want to run from them. To flee the unknown instead of embrace it and name it.
We want to feel alive, but when we realize that feeling alive includes pain, we don’t want it anymore.
We want to dumb it down. We want to dilute it. It’s not familiar and WE DON’T LIKE IT.
So we try to kill it. We spend time and money trying to make the unwanted feelings stop and the feel-good times continue. We numb ourselves in varying degrees using varying items to try and just feel when we want to feel.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned in this journey I’m taking this year is that you can’t do that.
We have to feel the bitter to get the sweet. We have to live the lows to get those really high highs. We have to put names to the uncomfortable feelings and sit with them to get to the point where we aren’t freaking out and running scared when those feelings pop up again.
Feel the pain, if you were.
And I’m not going to say I’m good at this. Or that I like it.
But it’s necessary.
And I have to stop running from everything and face my problems so I can live my life as brightly as I can.
If I don’t deal with my anger and my sorrow and my fear, I can’t possibly expect to enjoy the happiness, the delight and the joy.
It sucks, I know. But I can do it.