Side note: let’s take into consideration how much I do not enjoy horror things, or being scared, or wandering around in the dark….and then add how much I adore my BFF.
Then take into consideration that she did not explain what Scary Farm was that first time we went, and managed to get me all the way there without explaining to me what I was in for.
The first trip to Scary Farm was very confusing for me, since I could not figure out what was going on or why it was so dark. When Angela told me to stand in front of a churro stand and took forever trying to set up a selfie with me (telling me that part of the park had the best light) I thought something was up…..
And then this happened:
The joy on her face makes it all worth it. I think.
That whole trip was a blur of screaming and jumping out of my skin every two minutes and accidentally tripping an abominable snowman and then I ran into a wall, and it was all very confusing. I had a fairly good time, and was 100% exhausted when we got back to Angela’s.
This year, we got invited to a media preview at Knotts’ while I happened to be visiting, and to be perfectly honest, I did not want to go at first.
My first trip down to the Scary Farm was a lot of yelling and darkness and running away from the guy in the fake wheelchair with the creepy tube fingers and that one really confusing guy with one red eyeball who just stared at me and creeped me out, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it again.
But when the invite came in, I realized something: I totally wanted to go! Which is weird for me, because I do not do scary (see: side note above).
It hit me as Angela, Jill, our new friend Heather and I were running for our lives through the Red Barn maze – if I had been a little more prepared that first time, I would have enjoyed it more. Being “experienced” this year helped me enjoy the journey a bit more, and I was actually sad when we had to leave!
So to help out my “Scary Farm Virgin” friends, I’ve got some tips for you!
First Timer Tips for Visiting the Scary Farm
- There are people in creepy makeup and outfits who love to scare you wandering all throughout the park. They are sorted into “scare zones”, like the clowns who wander the midway, or the scarecrow squad wandering near the front park entrance. There are safe zones (stores, food stands, bathrooms) that they won’t enter. But a warning: they will wait just outside the doors for you.One thing: They cannot touch you. Return the favor – hands off the monsters.
- If you are the kind of person who will jump at everything, the monsters know. And they love it. And they will follow you as long as they think they can get another jump out of you. It’s awesome, and their makeup/costuming is OUTSTANDING!
- There are NINE mazes to wander during your visit to the Scary Farm. Angela went to seven of them. I chickened out of experiencing the “Trick or Treat: Lights Out” with a faulty flashlight because that is literally my worst nightmare. Also, “Tooth Fairy” is too reminiscent of nightmares I’ve actually had in my life, so I skipped that one too.But holy smokes, these are high-end productions. Amazing sound effects, each one has an elaborate back story and the characters are well done. Scaring on a visceral level for some of them.
- Special Ops: Infected is the best maze out of all of them because you can shoot the zombies with laser tag guns. Yes, it is exactly as awesome as it sounds, and very satisfying to bring up the rear flank, so you’ve got everyone’s 6. (Yes, I very much enjoy the laser tag. I also enjoy Call of Duty, but I am TERRIBLE at that.) The guy at the end said he was really impressed with my K/D ratio and that I looked like I was all business. I got a “good job, soldier”. I realized that was the first maze where I wasn’t scared out of my gourd, because it was SO MUCH FUN.
- You can ride the thrill rides in the dark! We were only able to catch a few of them, but I highly recommend riding the roller coasters in the dark. On a few select rides (like the Timber Mountain Log Ride), there are also monsters that will jump out at you during the ride!
- There is a fog section, which is really fun if you like being scared. The monsters wear metal-capped kneepads that will spark when they run in front of you and slide on their knees, and yes it’s very startling. They also make big loud noises with empty gas cans full of pennies or something that they shake, and I had a moment with a giant chicken man that would not let me be and I am now a little skittish about chickens.
- Make sure your designated “go first person” for the mazes will not rip their jacket right out of your hand so they can RUN AWAY AND LEAVE YOU, ANGELA. *Ahem*. Make sure you keep a good grip on their hand. They cannot flee from a man with a chainsaw and leave you to fend for yourself without their hand.
- Don’t bring a big purse, and make sure to visit the restroom often. I made this mistake, so learn from me: I dropped my purse in one of the mazes and had to go back for it. I cannot imagine what it would have been like, had I brought my regular purse. Also, let’s be honest here for a second: I got so scared at one point, I….well, I should not have had such a large beverage and should have visited the restroom prior to the maze. Let’s just leave it there.
Some notes for 2017’s Scary Farm:
- It’s Elvira’s last year performing at Knotts. Do NOT miss the show. You want to line up a little early so you can get a great seat because this is it! (And it’s a shame, because DANG, that lady can move.)
- Dark Ride is full of clowns. You cannot avoid the clowns. They’re everywhere, and this was pretty intense. At one point, there is just a big room full of clowns. Going to tell tales here, but Angela tried to take one of the emergency exits during this one, and she is never scared that bad.
- Red Barn is terrifying (see video below). I felt bad not rescuing all of the people “trapped” in this maze. Also, we kept losing Jill.
- Like I said before, DON’T miss the Special Ops: Infected maze. Laser tag + zombies. BEST EVER.
For 2017, the schedule is: 7 p.m.-1 a.m. Thursday and Sunday (and Oct. 30 and 31) and 7 p.m.-2 a.m. Friday and Saturday through Oct. 31.
You can fetch your tickets here. (spring for the fastpasses. WORTH IT.)
And in keeping with tradition, here’s our selfie with a surprise appearance by a monster.
I think this will be an annual thing.
Thank you to Knotts’ Berry Farm and the Scary Farm team for hosting us for media night! We were provided with passes for this event. All opinions are mine, and not otherwise influenced.
Here’s the video from the Red Barn walkthrough we did! (Please excuse the cussing, and note that we lost Jill multiple times and watch as Angela runs away from me at the end. And then runs back into the maze after the chainsaw man tried to get her.)