Dear former employers who terminated our relationship:
I was a mess, I know. If I wasn’t, there is no reason you would have let me go. I have always been a hard worker and a loyal employee, but there was always something that grew inside and made me want to leave you.
Because of my personality in the past, I would have never left you of my own accord….so I screwed things up so you would fire me.
And fire me, you did. Seven of you did, in fact.
In one glorious and remarkable instance, one of you fired me in the middle of a shift.
You walked in, were apparently done with me for one reason or another, and without really thinking it all the way through, terminated my employment on the spot. You had to work the rest of the shift alone since the three other employees on that shift had called in sick, and I had been handling literally every position while desperately throwing up an SOS by calling everyone on the list, including former employees. Sorry (not sorry).
Once, the entire firing process from start to finish took 2 minutes. You said, “Thanks for everything, but you’re fired,” and I stared for a good 30 seconds before making a noise, and then we sat another minute in silence. Then you dismissed me with “Well….bye.” Then you forgot to tell other people I had been fired so I kept getting angry calls as to why I wasn’t showing up for work.
Each of you had your (perfectly valid) reasons for letting me go.
It all boils down to one thing: we were not right for each other.
Whether I was the problem or you were the problem isn’t the point here. The point is: I don’t belong in a 9-5 office job. I never have. I was built from chaos and noise and glitter, all of which are frowned upon in most establishments. I am creative but in spurts. I am energetic but in spurts. I work HARD but in sprints rather than marathons. Some days I have a little black rain cloud over my head, and other days you cannot slow me down.
I have to thank you all, though. You released me from my prison. You let me out of my 9-5 (or, for one of you, the most chaotic mess of a schedule I’ve ever seen in my life) cage. You stopped me from having to paste on a smile and pretend I cared about making someone else more money while allowing myself to fall apart in every other way (and not make any more money myself). You saved me from the knowledge that, while I rationed my moisturizer and sometimes had to choose between paying the electric bill or eating, the CEO got a new infinity pool in their new house in Bali.
Thanks for teaching me what I don’t want. Thank you for showing me I’m worth more and my health should be my top priority over anything else. Thanks for showing me how strong I am.