I know that most of you who really know me find this hard to believe. I come across as a balls-out daredevil who isn’t scared of anything…sometimes.
But that bold brave lady happens only when I get out of my own way. When I don’t listen to the imposter syndrome or the “omg, but what if XXX reads what you’re writing and you end up ‘in trouble’ again?” or “what if people don’t like me after I show them who I really am?”
It’s debilitating some days. It keeps me from leaving the house to see friends. It prevents me from taking a lot of opportunities I would otherwise enjoy. It keeps me from surfing. (And I REALLY REALLY want to learn to surf.)
I don’t make very many recipes because I’m scared nobody will like them. Sometimes it’s a struggle to write things here because I feel like nobody wants to hear what I have to say. It’s a struggle between “I earned this” and “I don’t deserve this”.
Sometimes, I am too afraid to be myself because that’s how I’ve lived my whole life. Covering my Self up because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to fall.
But hurting and failing and falling is part of life. Living my own life and being my Self means some people won’t like me. I am too loud for some people. I am too fat for some people. I am too intense for some people. I am too SOMETHING for some people.
And that’s ok. That’s my indication that those people are not my tribe. I don’t need to go chasing after them to convince them to stay. People who don’t like me won’t like me for reasons I cannot control.
And my adventures in life cannot continue or grow or proliferate if I’m busy hiding.
I have to get busy living.