I signed up for Sarahah a few days ago, and I’m still on the fence about the usefulness of it all, but I do love the anonymity and the freedom that allows for feedback.
And then this gem comes into my inbox.
It tickled me deeply, because if you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know I have a whole section of my life I don’t talk about.
I don’t talk about my ex(es) very often (maybe once in the past few years), and I don’t talk about my youngest child, nor is said child photographed or shared anywhere online. I don’t talk about my extended family ever, and Wolfgang gets veto power on everything.
Sometimes, that makes it hard to find content to share with y’all.
It’s not all parties and cupcakes and hiking and rosemary lemonade and farmers markets up in here some days. Some days, no kids are home, and I’m all alone, and OMG what do I do when I’m alone because I’ve been a mom for so long I don’t know which way is up when there’s nobody to carpool or feed or help with homework.
Some days things happen that I want to share with you, but they’re behind the Giant Red Line that makes up the boundary.
I can’t talk about co-parenting. I can’t talk about my struggle with exes getting married. I can’t talk about a whole mess of feelings that I get when I have to deal with a whole lot of things.
And sometimes, that makes me feel so boring.
I can get caught up in all of the things I CANNOT talk about and all of the opportunities that I could be missing out on. I can get sucked down into that perilous place of “I’m not good enough, I can’t do this, I doubt everything I’ve ever written” and then I really AM missing out.
I can’t thrive with my head in the sand.
It’s taken some time (and a lot of Facebook messenger chats with Angela about how I’m going to quit blogging) but I can finally recognize when I start to slide into that “I have nothing to write about” pit of despair and stop myself.
How do I notice when I start to slide? I start with complaining, usually to poor Angela. (really, my BFF deserves a medal some days for putting up with my rambling.) I complain about how I don’t have anything to blog about, then it turns into “everyone else is better than me”, then “why don’t I have a boyfriend” and “I’m going to be alone forever”.
My trick is, if I am whining about 3 or more things that are terrible, awful, no-good and very bad, I’m most likely sliding. It is infinitely more difficult for me to do anything when I’m waving the white flag in my pity party for one.
How do I stop? I grab my handy dandy notebook (thanks, Blues Clues!) and write down 10 things that I CAN write about. A food I’ve been reading about. The way the hydrangeas in my front yard have turned from lavender to mauve to plum purple, and how much I love my garden. My obsession with my new spatula.
That serves two purposes: it switches my train of thought from the “oh poor me” track to the “look at the possibilities” track AND it gives me a whole list of things I can write about for the next month.
So despite the fact that a big slice of my pie is in the shadows and may likely never be blogged about, I still have a whole big beautiful list of things I CAN blog about or share on social media.
And that is where my focus needs to stay to keep my blog going, and relevant and somewhat readable….on what I *CAN* share.
The internet does not need to know ALL of my business – I think what I do share is just the perfect amount.